House warming

This Saturday evening I had my house warming party. I wish that more people would have showed up, but I got about dozen all told, so that's better than nothing. A couple of coworkers even brought little gifts, which was quite nice of them and something I wasn't expecting (especially since I said "no gifts please").

But what is it about a party that often leaves me sad? Maybe it's knowing that the happiness will be fleeting, gone when all the people leave. Maybe it's the stress of trying to get everything perfect, from the directions to the food. Whatever it is, it's certainly complicated and slightly frustrating.

I need to work on my happiness. Find it, create it, steal it -- something. It's not that I'm homesick (I feel very much at home here in MN), or even lacking friends (I've got a couple and we hang out about as much as my friends and I in CA did), but there's definitely something that I can't put my finger on. But I was this way in CA too, to it's not like it's a new thing.

I feel like I should be doing more. More work on the house, or the Miata, or myself. But there's lethargy in the way. I suppose it's mild depression, but I feel like I can kick it if I can just find the right "something". I don't think it's a "someone", and it's probably not a "thing" in the classic sense. It's most likely a way of thinking trapped inside of me that I'm not in touch with. I need to work on getting in touch with it.